Different Pony
by Greaser4life
Summary: Ponyboy starts to cut himself when he cant deal with the lost of Dally and Johnny. Darry finds out, Ponys girlfriends shows up pregnant,and Pony finds himself in an never ending race to find his sanity!Warning dont read if u have a problem with cutting.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one:

I looked at myself in the mirror, and than down at my arms the blade from my knife had been giving me an escape from the grief for over a year now. My arms were scared from previous pleasure's. I was an emotional wreck, but no one knew. Countless times I told myself I would stop, I get that erg and if I wait the feeling of guilt will takes over me.

I pressed the blade hard on my arm and felt the pain ease my gief. I did it again. I watched as the blood slid down my arm. I winced. Just when I was about to do it again there was a knock at the door. I jumped.

"Pony come on I gotta go!" Soda yelled.

"Alright hold on!" I said. And as quickly as I could I wiped my arm and rolled my sleeve down. Washed my hands and than my knife.

"Come on pony what are you doin' in there I gotta go!" I froze not knowing what to say.

"Uh…." I put my knife in my back pocket and opened the door.

"There happy?" I yelled at him, he just pushed me out of the way.

_well i had to delete and replace the story in order to fix it but here it is hope you enjoyed it r &r_


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO:

I walked out into the living room where Two-bit, Steve, and Darry were watching t.v.

"Feel better!" Two-bit let out a hardy laugh. I sighed, and didn't answer him because I knew whatever I said would just make him laugh harder.

"Lighten up Ponyboy" Steve said.

"I cant" I thought. "Hey Darry I'am gonna go for a walk" I told him throwing my jacket on. I felt like I needed to get out.

"Yeah 10 minutes and than you be back here, you got it?" I didn't answer him. I just walked out.

I didn't go for a walk though, I just went to the side of the house, were Megan and I spend time together, but I wasn't her for Megan. I needed to cut again, quilt was raising up in me like hot air, and I needed to let it escape. I pulled the blade and pressed it hard on my hand.

"What's wrong with you!" my soul yelled at me.

"I am crazy." I said to myself. And sat down feeling the guilt fade away. I didn't know how I was going to explain the cut to Darry but I would think of something. I told myself this over and over. I wiped my knife on the grass. And my hand on an old greasy rag that Darry used to fix the truck one time. I leaned back against the house and closed my eyes. It was 7 o'clock and it would be dark soon. But I didn't want to go back inside. And before I knew it I was asleep.

I woke up to someone kicking me, hard, in the ribs.

"He's right here Darry!" the person yelled. I opened my eyes and to my delight it was Steve.

"Stop kicking me or ill beat your face in!" I yelled at him.

"Get up kid! You had Darry turnin' grey!" and he turned and stumbled off.

"Great" I told myself. And walked slowly in the house.

"Where have you been!" Darry yelled at me as soon as he saw my shoe pop in the doorway. I just rubbed my eyes.

"What where you doing!" Darry waited inpaitently for an answer.

"Sleeping." I said rubbing my face. Than I remember my hand and put it in my pocket. My smart mouth just made Darry even mader.

"ya, well…..you seem to just don't care no adays do you? Lets see your grades are slipping, just yesturday you brought home an 75 in Science! What's wrong with you!" Darry just kept going on and on about stuff I haven't been "caring" about.

"What about Megan! You seem to be spending a lot of time with her now haven't you!" I snapped into focus.

"She has nothing to with this." I snapped. Darry looked sharply at me.

"She may! You never know if she is the one putting the crap in your head about not trying!"

"IT'S NOT HER!" I exploded. And for some reason I couldn't keep it all inside anymore.

"It's not you or soda!" I had Darry's attention now.

"I cant….." I didn't know how to tell him. So I just rolled up my sleeves. In an instant they were wid-eyed.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE!

I changed a lot of things and hope that you all still like it! But read and review because it helps a lot! I know that it's not as good as the others but hey this is my first time letting other people read my work so I am nervous. so here it goes!

I don't think our house was ever that quite.

"What happened to you pony!" Soda asked. Well let's say he more liked gasped. I rolled my sleeves down again sorry I had showed them.

"Did you do that?" Darry whispered, not taking his eyes off my arms. Mine however where everywhere besides Darry's face. I noticed that Steve had passed out on the couch. And that Two-bit was gone.

"Answer me Ponyboy." Darry said, his voice hard. I shook my head no.

"What?" his voice broke with surprise.

"I cant Darry." I told him.

"Why! Why in the world can't you! You showed me your arms now explain what in gods name happened to them!" he stormed.

I looked at soda for the first time. He had that face, the face when we all just found out mom and dad had died. The face, when I told the gang Johnny was dead.

"Am I dead to you Soda" I thought. "Am I that crazy that you don't think of me as your brother."

"Ponyboy!" Soda yelled at me. I was taken by surprise.

"Darry asked you a question, now answer him"

I opened my mouth to yell at them both. To tell them that they have no idea what I'am going through, and even if I tried to tell them they wouldn't understand. But the words couldn't be found when I try to speak my mouth didn't work. So again I shook my head.

"I know your going through something Ponyboy." Darry looked straight at me, his eyes burning my skin.

"How, how could you possible know what I'am going through!" I yelled finding my voice.

"Because we all went through it too!" soda exploded.

"That's right Ponyboy now tell me did you do that to your arms?" Darry replied.

"NO you don't!" I screamed. "None of you know what its like to see Johnny holdin that knife or what he said when we were in that church! I did thought I saw 3 people die in one week! I can't take! I wake up every morning and know that if I was dead Johnny and dally would still be here! Do you know what that's like!" I looked at them. Breathless and guilty.

"Ponyboy…..That's not true, if Johnny hadn't killed Bob then you both would be dead!" Darry shot back.

"But still Darry, I could have stopped it." I said, touching my arms.

"And now the only way I can deal with it is to cut myself." My voice sounding strange even to me.

"Why?" Soda asked with a shaky voice. I thought about it for awhile.

"I don't know." I told him. And sat down on the floor.

We all sat there for about 20 minutes until Darry got up and walked over to me.

"Give me your knife." He ordered.

"What!" I said. Panicking.

"You heard me give it here, I cant have you cuttin your self any more so hand it over." His eyes were ice.

"But Darry it was Johnny's." I said hesitating, Johnny's mom had threw it at me when I was walking by his house one day. It was like a part of me and Darry knew it.

"I know and you'll get it back but right now I want to keep it. We're in this together Ponyboy and I need your help to." And when he saw that I wasn't making any move to give it to him, he said. "I'll take it myself if you don't hand it here." So I handed it over. Knowing that I would regret it.

Okay you don't know this but I changed the whole chapter! But I hope you like it! This was just a spur of the moment thing! But I can tell you that Ponyboy's gf come's in the next chapter! R&R


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR!

Okay I know it's been awhile but I just started school so I've had a hard time trying to find the time to put a new chapter in! But here's the next one and I hope you like it!

It's been a week since I last cut myself. I feel out of place. Distant. Darry thinks I'am doin' great though. I normally can shrug off the feeling and if I cant I scrap my wrist on the concrete, next to the house. Darry went to work today, alone with Soda, so there's no one to talk to. The feeling of loneliness starts to bubble up. Now this is when I would go get my knife, but Darry took it, and has been keeping an eye on me.

So I decided to go outside and sit on the pouch. It was nice weather, not to hot or cold. I sat down and my mind started to drift off to the night Johnny killed Bob.

(_Johnny stared blankly at me. In his hand he held a blade. The same blade I had. The blade. Blood all the way to the handle. " I killed him I killed that boy" Johnny said he voice hardly a whisper. I looked over at bob and my stomach gave a violent jerk. " Johnny… I think I'am gonna be sick" I said, watching the blood slowly circle around Bob. " Go a head man, I ant gonna watch, I wont look at ya." He told me.)_

My mind jumped back to reality, with a hard hit across my face.

"I said get the hell in the house!" Darry looked at me. I hadn't even seen him come in!  
"What was that for!" I yelled. Darry only pulled me in the house. And I was standing face to face with the meanest Darry look I had ever seen.

"Okay now you have a lot to deal with right now I know that but…. Damnit Ponyboy why didn't you use protection!" hey shouted. I just stood there like I was stupid. I had no idea what he was talking about!

"SO now I quess you don't know what I'am talkin' bout uh ponyboy!" I nodded.

" I really don't." I simply said.

"Okay let me refresh your memory okay? Let met see….. you got naked so did she and you to had sex and now she's pregnant!" My mouth fell open.

"What! No ,no , no that can't be!" I told him. He punched me again, hard, on the face.

"I don't want to hear that! She's your girlfriend! And her and her father are on their way over here right now!"

I just rubbed my cheek and mumbled "great"

_I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKED! BUT YOU SEE I HAVE TO CHANGE AT LEAST 2 CHAPTERS TO GET THE STORY BACK ONLINE SO THIS IS IT. BUT THE NEXT ONE OR THE NEXT ONE WILL BE GOOD! I PROMISE! BUT I HAVE TO GO REMEMBER R&R!_


	5. chapter 5

Hey I know it has been along time! But I have a lot of schoolwork and everything but ill try to update as soon as possible I hope you like my next chapter. This is what I originally wrote, so read and review!

**CHAPTER FIVE!**

We finally got the house clean enough for people to come in to. I was sitting on the couch holding my face. Which, by the way, already started to turn purple. Darry sat silently on his chair, starring at me. Than the knock came. It made Darry and I both jump. But Darry didn't say anything he just gave me a warning glance, yeah like I was going to try something!

"Hello Mr. Clintose" Darry greeted. "And Magan" he added noticing her behind him.

"Please come in." Darry held the door open for them. Megan looked great! She had he long strawberry blonde hair tied back in a half ponytail, and the biggest bluest eyes you have every seen! Mr. Clintose on the other hand was short, bald, and fat. He never liked me. And out of all the days I decided to wear short sleeves! Darry noticed and excused me from the room.

When I came back Darry was sitting in his chair and Magan and her father on the couch. So I just stood there feeling dumb and embarrassed. No one spoke. I started to get uncomfortable.

"Well Darryl looks like we have a suituation on our hands" Mr. Clintose said. Darry moved uneasily in his chair and said

"Yes"

"Ponyboy..Iam sorry I lied to you." Magan said. Her father just sat there like Darry trying to surpress his anger.

I couldn't say anything to that and I think Darry knew that we needed time alone. So he and Mr. Clintose went and talked in the kitchen. I was still in shock.

"How far along are you?" I asked.

"3 months…the baby is due in November." She smiled.

"Can you believe were going to have a baby!" She said excitedly.

"No!" I said raising my voice, I really couldn't.

"I have a lot going on in my life right now and you come along and say 'Sorry I lied but I so happy we're going to have a kid!''' I was mocking her. She looked away. And so did I.

_There you go! I'am done with that chapter. Well that is really two chapters but I made it a little longer for you all! R&r_


	6. Chapter 6

Okay everyone here is another well asked for chapter! I worked hard on this story so read and review!

Chapter Six 

"I said I was wrong for lying to you about being on the pill." She whispered. I didn't look up. I was afraid to meet her eye.

"You should be." I told her my voice full of sadness and hatred to myself. I heard the front door open and close. Soda had came in from work.

"No one told me there was going to be a party." He said smiling at Magan. I shook my head.

"There is no party Soda." With that he went upstairs to bed. Soda was always smart about knowing when to stay out of peoples business.

"Ponyboy…." Magan smiled. "What do you want it to be?" There she goes again! I had enough. I exploded.

"I don't care, I want it to be gone Mag, the life that I do have I can hardly handle. I have issues. Big issues." I rolled up my sleeves to show her my cuts. Her eyes like Darrys and Sodas grew big.

"I can't handle myself right now! How am I suppose to handle you and a child!" I stopped. What was I doing! It wasn't her fault that I had this problem it was mine!

Mr. Clintose ran into the room earlier and was ferrous. Darry was leaned in the doorway of the kitchen. Magan was crying and hiding her beautiful face with her hands.

I sat down on the couch next to her and took her in my arms.

"Sh…..baby don't cry I'am sorry. Its not your fault its mine. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Please stop." I tried to comfort her.

"Come on Tony lets give these two some privacy shall we." Darry looked at me.

"And I don't want any more show's you got it?" He pointed a finger at me. I nodded rubbing Magan's head gently. Mr. Clintose left. But I could tell that he didn't really want to.

Magan and I sat and talked for along time and finally Soda came lopping down the stairs. Oh did I tell you we made the attic into Sodas bedroom. Sometimes I miss sharing a room but others times its good to have my own one.

"I thought you said that there wasn't a party!" Soda said punching me playfully on the shoulder. I looked at him.

"Do you hear any music or see any beer?" He looked around, rubbed his eyes.

"Man you guys party dall. Let me show you how it's done!" And headed for the phone.

When he came back he was wide awake and all smiles.

"Baby." He said to Magan. "It's gonna be a long night."

Well there you go another chapter for you guys. Ill try to put one up each Friday. Maybe or not. But don't get too mad at me. Just a little heads up. Everything is about to change! With the story.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey I just decided to write more with this story! So here it is!**

_**Smiles!**_

_**Babyice201!**_

** Chapter seven **

**Soda wasn't lying when he said it was going to be along night. Mr. Clintose took Magan home at around 10 o'clock when **

**two-bit showed up with a 12 pack. And it just so happen that Steve dropped in around 11.**

**The music was so loud I thought my eardrums were going to explode. Darry went to bed around 12. He had to get up early **

**and work. He finally came out and warned us if we didn't keep it down he would ever so kindly beat the tar out of all of us.**

**I finally went to be about 2. Tomorrow was a long day. And I didn't know if I could make it through with cutting myself. I lied **

**down in bed and my mind went back to a year ago.**

**(_"Ponyboy, I killed him." Johnny said softly. "I killed that boy."_**

_**I remember wounding what he was talking about. I slowly sat up feeling my stomach turn a loop. I was going to be sick. I **_

_**stood up and saw Bob. Blood slowly circling around him.")**_

**I sat back up in bed. This has been the worst memory ever. I needed to get out of the house and go. I didn't know where but **

**I had to get out. I looked at my clock. It was 3:30am. It was early but I had to go.**

**Slowly I got up and went into the bathroom. Washed my face, and brushed my teeth. I also flushed the toilet so soda and **

**darry wouldn't suspect anything. I went back into my room and pulled on my jeans and tee shirt. I was so depressed.**

**Soda had passed out on the couch along with Two-bit, and Steve. I walked slowly and quietly pass them. I stood outside **

**Darrys door wounding if he was awake. Slowly I opened it. I had to get my knife. I had a pretty good idea were it was too. In **

**dads old gun case. The key was beside Darry on his night stand, I walked without sound to it. When I got there the floor **

**squeaked. I froze as Darry stirred. When he stopped I grabbed the key and walked over to the case. Carefully I unlocked it **

**and grabbed my knife, fifty bucks, and a gun. I didn't know what I might need.**

**I locked the case and put the key back. When I finally got out of the room, I about fainted. But I had my knife that was the **

**only thing that mattered. I loved it. Johnny's mom had thrown it at me one day walking home from school. She shouted that **

**she was glad he was gone. No more mouth to feed but her own. I treasured it. I looked at the clock. I had to go now if I **

**wanted to get out of the house without anyone waking up. I stepped outside and toward the train I had been on a almost two-**

**years ago.**

**"No matter what" I said to myself. "I have to get there."**

_**Well there you go! And guess what I finished this story last night and all I have to do is type it! Yeah me! But anyway I use **_

_**a lot of other characters in this book. Some written by S.E Hinton herself. I like her! As you can tell but I just want you to **_

_**know that things are about to change!**_

_**Smiles!**_

_**Babyice201 r&r**_


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 10

Okay now i know it's been a really long time, and the flash backs belong to me! But i have been really busy and i now have to use the computer in my room, which is ancient! But hey it works, but i hope you like it! R & R like always!

When i got on the train i started to get that feeling. I tried to wait it out but Darry wasn't there for me to talk to, so I pressed the blade hard on my arm and pulled back. The pain struck through me like lighting, but it felt good. I did it four more times and felt the guilt fade away. I had forgotten my hanker chief at the house so I had to use my shirt, white shirt that is.

I could tell that it was going to be along night, so I laid my head on my jacket. I didn't have Johnny to wake me up this time so I didn't go to asleep. An hour or so goes by and I start to think about the last time I was on this train;

_("Johnny, are we going to be okay?" I had asked. He just sat there starring at the side of the train and finally said "Yeah, we'll be okay Pony, everything will work out you'll see."_

_"Why do soc's want to beat us up all the time Johnny?" I suddenly asked, but I knew why. He looked at me._

_"Because their just weird man." I thought to myself about it, but we're they really? I bet they thought the same about us._

_"You know, sometimes I think we're the rich one's." I said laying my head back. Johnny only looked at me harder and gave me one of his rare smiles.)_

I felt the train slow down, this was my stop. It was still night outside, so I couldn't see if anything looked formulary. But when it stopped i jumped off and started to walk. I think i walked around for about an hour, my mind brings back memories that I've tried so hard for the past 2 years to forget. One took over me, stronger than i could ever imagine.

_("Pony fix your hair, and don't slouch so much you look like a thug!" Johnny ordered. I rubbed my hair to the side._

_"There better?" i asked_

_"You know you look an awful lot like Sodapop, I mean the way you have your hair and everything." He commented. I shook my head. "No I don't." I stood up. "He's good looking." Johnny just looked at me like I had lost my mind._

_"Shoot kid you are too!" I started to walk off. "And hurry up!" he hollered.)_

Now I got to the hill Johnny and I walked up to get to the church. It took me about forty-five minutes, the whole way I kept thinking about me and Johnny's conversation. We didn't say much but what we did it meant a lot to me. He started to talk about how we would be okay and that he would make sure we're safe, no matter what. I told him that I was scared and he said "Don't be, Dally will be here soon and than we can go home, and maybe while we're out here, you can help me to read or somethin'" And I did I tried to teach him. I think he learned more from me than any of his teachers.

When I got up to the hill I stopped. It was nothing but field now and one old sign where the church had been. It read _**(To all the hero's who saved our lives)**_ and had hearts at the bottom along with my name, Johnny's, and believe it or not Dally's. I felt my knees give and found myself sitting in front of it.

"Your welcome" I whispered to the sign. If only Johnny and Dally were here to see it. But Dally and Johnny were dead. I was too, my life sucked. Why didn't I die with them? But did I really? While asking myself these questions I heard footsteps. I was really upset, but hearing those steps made me scared. Very carefully I removed my gun and turned around quickly. I was expecting to see a homeless crazy man or a murder. I would have rather it been a murder, instead of Darry.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Sorry about the chapter mix up but I'm trying my hardest to update! So anyway i hope you still like it! R & R! Like always...

Smiles,

Babyice201

On with the Different Pony;

"Ponyboy" Darry said when i didn't put the gun down.

"What are you doing here?" I spat, lowering the gun slowly.

"What do you think? He bursted. I sat back down on the ground, and watched as his eyes moved to my shirt.

"You've been cutting again." I laughed.

"You don't get it Darry, and you never will!" Darry looked uncomfortable. I was laughing uncontrollable but i suddenly stopped and my smile turned into a frown.

"How can i if you don't ever let me help you!" Darry pleaded. I just shook my head. 'He'd never get.' i told myself standing back up.

"So Darry you think I'm crazy don't you?" I yelled.

"You're not crazy, just insecure right now Ponyboy, you're going through so much right now with Megan and all." Darry told me. I just shook my head, hard.

"No, no... I've felt like this for a long time." Darry looked at me.

"Pony why didn't you tell me?"

"Megan . . . thanks Darry i almost forgot about her." I looked away from Darry, his eyes scared me.

"Don't change the subject Ponyboy!" He ordered.

"You don't understand. . ." I started. But then i thought of something else." Why did you come?" I asked.  
"To make sure you were alright. . . I know what today is, I'm not stupid." Darry said sternly.

"Most guys get addicted to boozes, weed, or even pills. But you always get the crappy end of the deal. And it kills me to think that i can't do anything for you. I think about it all the time." Darry told me. I just nodded.

"And I'm sorry about that Pony." Darry said putting his head down. "I could have done something to help you." I shook my head.

"No, no one can help me right now." I sunk to the ground.

"I think i could help, if given the chance." Darry said sitting next to me.

"No you can't so stop trying!" I yelled at him. He just looked at me; i turned my head away, ashamed i had talked to him like that.

"Ponyboy?" Darrys voice seemed light, "Tell me about Megan." I was surprised, but hope arose in me.

"She's great Darry, I. . . I love her." Darry smiled.

"I know i saw it when she walked into the house last night, you know i hadn't even thought that you and her were so serious."

"I know, no one did." I put my head down, this was my brother, he loved me, and I loved him. And i almost killed him. I had hesitated putting the gun, and Darry knew this.

"I am sorry about the gun." I told him guilt consuming.

"Don't worry about it Pony." He said getting up. "Man this place is out of it, but I like it." Darry said, I felt a sharp pain cut through my heart. And guilt was getting more and more painful.

"Dally didn't like it." I told him. I felt his eyes on me. I don't usually talk about Dally or Johnny, I guess he was surprised.

"Doesn't surprise me any." It was my turn to be surprised.

"Why not?"

"I just don't okay." He turned to the sign. "You know I think about them all the time." He said his voice very thick with tears. I stood up and put my arms around him, crying harder then i ever thought i could.

"Shh. . .Ponyboy it's all going to be okay, I promise." I didn't know how to tell him that he was wrong for once, i knew it wouldn't.

"I can't take it anymore Darry!" I sobbed. And after about 10 minutes it was about 100 degrees outside and i was completely excused. I had a childish though that my eyes were so wet that they might slide right out. Darry just sat there, holding me.

"We'll get through this Pony." He told me again. I just nodded, unable to speak, my guilt was so overpowering I couldn't walk, or breathe.

"Ponyboy, you okay?" Darry asked worried. I shook my head.

"I . . . I need too Darry." He sighed and stood up. "I'll be in the car." I watched him leave and cried with every pull of my knife.

_Okay here is another chapter! I know its gay but hey i can't help it! Anyway i hope you like it, and if not i wont go on just let me know. Oh and there is about to be a big twist to the story!_


	10. Chapter 10

Hey I am sooo sorry about the wait! But we just got a new computer! Yeah! But you-guys know the deal read and review!

Chapter 10

We were driving down the road when it hit me.

"How did you know were I was Darry?" I asked, watching him turn his head toward me and than back at the road.

"This is near the place were Dad use to take me fishing when I was little I remembered the church." I just returned to my window.

"I saw it in the newspaper and everything when all that happened with you and Johnny, and besides I am not stupid I know what today is." I felt my heart sink and Darry could tell. He quickly changed the subject.

"Dad took you once or twice, I was really mad at him."

"Why?" I said, looking at him again.

"Well, that was our spot. You didn't even know how to fish, I think you were about three." Darry laughed.

"That was the only time in my life I really hated you." I felt myself smile for some reason. Like it felt good that Darry hated me.

"I got over it thought, no big deal." I wished it were a big deal. I wanted it to be a huge deal. I wanted Darry to hate me again, but for a different reason. I continued to watch the tree's go by and noticed that the more we drove the less I remembered. I started to get a panicky feeling.

"Darry were are we going?" I almost yelled. Darry's knuckles turned white on the stirring wheel.

"Ponyboy, I've tried to help you. You need to see a doctor, and since I cant be home, and neither can Sodapop." He started, as we pulled up to a tall building. I felt myself shake.

"This is TPH: Talsa Psychiatric Hospital, I called them and told them about you, they think you need to be here for awhile. Now I am no professional, but I damn sure know that after that little stunt you just pulled you need to be getting help somehow, and I am at my wit's in!" I reached for the door handle.

"NO, NO way, I am not staying here!" Darry reached across the truck and grabbed my arm.

"Don't do this Ponyboy!" Darry warned. I watched his eyes for a minute, they were different; like he was almost begging me to stay here in this place.

"Darry! Please don't do this too Me! I don't want to be here! I'll do anything please!"

"Ponyboy, I can't take this! I cant take seeing you like this, I swore I would take care of you! And knowing that you could hurt yourself if I don't do this will kill me! I watched it go on long enough! Pony, please!" Darry pleaded to me. I just turned my head but never took my hand off the doorknob.

"I need to know your safe, and this is the only way. Now you can come home in a few months and try to make a normal life as possible, Pony do you really want your child to come into this world with you the way you are?" I blinked; trying to take all of it in, if I didn't get help now who knows what might happen to me or Megan and the baby.

"Your right Darry." I agreed. "I do need help." I looked at Darry; and for the first time in my life I saw him with his guard down, no hard eyes or tense muscles just Darry; my brother.

"I already packed your stuff, they told me to limit it and so I only packed a few books and jeans and stuff."

I smiled.

"Thanks Dar."

"Well," he said, taking his arm off of me. "Lets go, I don't know when they stop enrollments and I don't want to drive all the way up here tomorrow." I slowly got out of the car, and thought about making a break for the nearest woods, but than decided against it. Darry trusted me a little, and I didn't want that to change. We walked up to the small door. The building had three windows exactly.

"Come on Ponyboy." Darry said, when I stopped in the small, long, cold hallway. "We don't have all day." I sighed and stayed close to him half expecting someone, or something to jump out at me. When we made it safely to the check inn desk there wasn't anyone there.

"Okay go to the bathroom and change, here." Darry threw me a T-shirt. "And wash up as much as possible." I nodded numbly and found my way to the restroom. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person looking back at me. No, this person wasn't Ponyboy Curtis; this boy was a monster, with a blood spotted shirt, and arms.

"Go away!" I yelled at the mirror. "Just leave me alone!"


	11. Chapter 11

_Well I know it's been a long time and everything but I'm still here! And am about to add a new story so keep looking for it I have to dedicate this chapter too some good friends from the school year of 2004-2005: Brittany, Courtney, casey and all my friends who encouraged me (especially courtney!) but any way on with the chapter! o0o and i wounder if i should continue it?_

Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders, but if I did I wouldn't leave all you guys with just one story!

Chapter Eleven!

"Welcome to TPC (Talsa Psychiatric Center). I'm Mrs. Inman." A young woman around Darry's age said as she stood in front of the small, crowded room. She had short brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes were really blue. She reminded me of someone I had known before, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"I'll be your counselor/group conductor, if you need to talk." She starts too look at the piece of paper she was holding.

"Oh" She said. "Well not all of you are going to have me I'm doing the PI ward this year." She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Great!" I heard her whisper. I watched her look around the room. I met her eye and tan looked away.

"I'm going to call role now, so please keep it down." I heard a few groans.

"Scott Mills." She shouted a little louder than she needed to. The guy, who was sitting right behind me, yelled a "Here!" I jumped. A girl in the corner yelled a "Duh!" every one turned to look at here and the attention was off of me.

"That's enough…Brittany Morgan?" The girl, who yelled the Duh, smiled and raised her hand.

"Okay, Ponyboy Curtis, nice to see you again." She said, I looked at her, I knew it! I did now her from some where. She just smiled.

"You don't remember me do you?" I shook my head.

"I'm Megan's cousin. We met at the party she had its been a long time." I nodded my head.

"Yeah I remember you." She just went on calling more names. And after she was done she walked to her desk.

"Now I have a few rules; you all know that this is a group meeting for teens ages 14-16 and what ever we say in here stays in here. You got that Brad?" She snapped, turning her head to look at the boy sitting next to the wall. He only grunted.

"Good, Now I know you all have your problems and that's way you're here so no making fun of anyone." She sat down at her desk.

"One at a time I want you to come to the front and say your name again, and the reason you're here." I watched her glance at her role sheet.

"Let's start with Brittany." The girl who was constantly screaming Duh! Ran up to the front.

"My name is Captain Brittany Morgan; I want to be eaten alive and covered in pickles!" I starred, along with rest of the class, at her. She just walked slowly back to her set.

"Okay." Miss. Inman whispered. "Next, Robert."

It went on like this until it was my turn. I slowly got up and silently thanked who-ever that I got my long sleeved shirts.

"Uh, I'm Ponyboy Curtis…" Brad cut me off.

"Ha is that your real name! What was your Dad high when you were born or was he just stupid?" I felt a cold chill run down my back.

"What?" I snapped.

"Oh now you cant hear; I guess your stupid too. Bet you cant even read." I felt the anger raising up in me.

"Who do you think you are?" I spat stepping to him. He stood up.

"What are you gonna do about it grease?" We were face to face now. My breathing was raspy. I felt excited.

"You know I think I'm going to do you a favor; I'm gonna knock some sense into your sorry…" I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Miss. Inman looking at me.

"Just let it go Ponyboy." She said. Mark blew an exasperated sigh.

"Can't you leave any thing alone you hoe." I looked sharply at him.

"Don't you ever talk to a lady like that! How would you like it if someone talked to your sister like that or even your Mom?" I watched Brad turn around and punch the wall. Pieces of wood flew everywhere.

"That'll be your face next time!" he yelled and stormed out of the room. Miss. Inman looked shocked.

"Well that went well." She laughed. I shook my head.

"Yeah we'll be best friends." And as I felt angry raise up in me I knew I had to go. I couldn't stand in that room and think about until I actually hurt someone; I wouldn't let that happen. I would kill myself before I killed someone, again.

_Okay Okay I know it's been forever! But I lost the notebook that I was writing in and I had to do this chapter on the top of my head sorry if it sucks! But you all know you need to review! Thanks! And this was pretty much a fill in chapter!_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Let me let you all know what's going on! I deleted the last two chapters because I FOUND! My notebook…. Yeah me! But so I have the way the story really goes, so forget what just happened in the last two chapters! I know I'm so kool! I reall y hope you like the original version because this is how I intended it to be. So Read and Review and let me know.  
Smile,**_

**_Greaser4life_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own the outsiders and I have no idea why people do these things! So I'm not doing them anymore!_**

It was around 6:30 when I finally go cooled down enough to go and a least watch people play in the wreck room. I didn't feel like eating dinner that night because I wasn't too crazy for cold water with a little cheese in it. I sat down and began watching two men argue over the television.

"Get lost you loser I was watchin' Golden Girls first!" I 5'footman shouted and raised his fist. The other man, who was about 2 ft. taller than I and had about half a good of a build that I did, just rolled his eyes and turned the channel.

"Listen you little ass wipe, I can do what I want when I want to do it, if you have a problem with that talk to my supervisor." And help up his fist. I smiled and thought of Dally, even thought he would have just belted the guy.

"Ponyboy Curtis?' I heard someone say. I turned to see a tall man standing in behind me.

"Depends on who wants to know." I snapped. He just held out his hand.

"The names Landon Carter, I work for Junior Medical Center." He nodded his head toward my arms, when I didn't shake his hand.

"I want to talk to you about those." I simple grunted.

"Follow me." He moved out of the rec. room, to a little doctor's office three doors down and walked inside.

"You don't look much like a doctor." I commented, after I noticed his jeans and rock and roll tee shirt. He smiled.

"Step on the scale." I did what I was told.

"165, not bad do you play any sports?"

"Track"

"Cool, I wish I had played sports in high school."

I nodded, and liked the fact that he thought Track was a sport, most people don't consider it that because you aren't beating the crap out of someone like you do in soccer, and football.

"I really like it." I told him.

"Alright sit down and take your shirt off." As I did, I watched him go over to his counter and pull out a jar of white stuff and type.

"This will keep you from messin' with your arms, I can do the same with your legs too, just to let you know." I nodded, and held up an arm for him.

"There wont be that bad of scaring, but you really need to start being more careful, this one right here." He pointed to my most recent one, the one I did on the train.

"Is infected, I'm surprised you haven't started to run a fever." I looked at him.

"How long will this take?" A smile crossed his face and his eyes glowed.

"Its gonna be a long night Ponyboy." And I felt my stomach sink.

"Don't worry, I like to work with music…" He said, turning on the radio full blast.

'Great," I thought, ' I'm stuck inside a small room with some guy I don't even know listen to the beetles, and having plastic put on my arms, and to top it all off I now have a headache.

_**Well I hope you all like the new version! R And R. I know that it is completely different from the last two chapters but I was going to leave it the way it was, but I couldnt come up with anything, and then after cleaning my room and going threw all my WRITINGS (and trust me it took about an hour) I found this storys ending! So I can fininsh posting this and start a new story for all you babyice lovers! o0o ...yeah I have a new pen name, its Greaser4life.  
**_


	13. Chapter 13

**_Okay now don't be mad because I haven't updated in like forever but I just haven't felt like it. I hope I still have readers! Smiles, Greaser4life _**

**Chapter 13**

And Landon wasn't lying. It was about 1 in the morning when I finally opened the door to the little box they call a doctor's office.

"Now remember to be careful when in a shower with those bandages on, I don't want to have to spend another four hours applying a new coat on it." He said. I nodded. Landon had put a white substance on my arm, to keep the bacteria out and to stop the ones that were growing. It kinda looked like Curly's cast he had to get when he broke his arm.

"Night' Landon." I mumbled to him walking out the door. He waved a hand at me.

I walked to my room slowly, not wanting to wake anyone who was asleep. It's hard to do in this place anyway, and unless you're on strong meds, or your body just crashed, you can't sleep. And if anyone wakes up there not too happy. I opened my door to find two beds, dresser, and desks. When I had left there was only one of everything. Plus, there was a man in one off the beds. I didn't pay too much attention seeing as my body was about to be like the ones that crashed, but as I lied down, my head ran threw everything that had happened. I almost go into a fight, I was in the same group therapy as Megan's cousin, and I had made a new friend, not to mention there was a strange man in my room, who I have yet to meet. And he snored.

Landon had, had a hard life to live too. He was only 19 when the love of his life died. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose Megan. He told me that he'd know her all his life, went to school with her, and was in all of her classes with her since kindergarten.

"I got in some trouble." He had said. "And ended up doing community service with the school, also, my principal thought it would be a good idea to do a school play. I needed help with my acting and Miss. Jamie Sullivan, agreed." He shook his head. "I promised her that I wouldn't fall in love, that was the only thing she didn't want me to do. But I broke that promise, big time."

"Why would she make you promise something like that? I thought all girls look forward to the love of her life." I asked.

"Jamie wasn't like other girls, she never went out, she never skipped church or anything. Her father was the pastor at our local church." I laughed.

"So it was like the bad boy fell in love with the good girl." Landon nodded, but didn't laugh.

"That's just what it was. I wish I had spent more time with her when we were younger. She told me one night that she had cancer, and her treatments stopped working. I told her that she was wrong and she was perfect. Then she got mad at me, and ran off. In the end I married her, we had one amazing summer together. Then she died."

"That's terrible." I told him, not really knowing what to say.

"But Jamie gave me hope, and even though she died, she's still right here…" He placed a hand over his heart. "That's how I made it were I am today. I still have our wedding picture in my bedroom. And there are pictures of us around my house. My wife doesn't mind. She thinks its kind of me to do that, I love her too, but she will never be Jamie and she knows that. No one will ever take Jamie's place, but now I have a Melissa and an Amy. I adopted her the year Jamie died. She had red hair just like her. Amy was at the adoption home the night I went there with Jamie one Christmas." He was quite for a minute.

"Life is hard sometimes Ponyboy, but you need to stay around and keep yourself healthy for the ones that love you. Your never alone, there's always someone out there who will help you, and who has been though what you have, maybe not the same but to a Tee." I was quite the rest of the time. After about five minutes, Landon sent me back here.

And for as long as I've been here, which was about 3 days, I've had my own room. And I've grown accustom to it. Most of the guys here have roommates and the lady at the front desk told me I would mostly get one too. Then I thought about Johnny's blade under my pillow. I sprung up and grabbed my pillow breathing a breath of relief when it was the. I lay back down, and closed my eyes. I was so tired but I could sleep. I missed Soda sleeping next to me. I liked the feeling of knowing that my brothers were close by when and if I needed them. Now I was in the room with a complete stranger! For all I knew he could be a murder! I've already told you I have a wild imagination. But before I could go and check if I had seen him on the news lately, or a wanted poster on the Dingo, I drifted off to sleep.

_**What did you think! R & R! Comments and flames, even though I don't know what flames are, are excepted. Any suggestions? The stories almost over don't worry!**_

**_Smiles,_**

_**Greaser4life**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**All right here is another chapter! yeppeeee! i know you are sooo excited but contain it and read and review.**_

When i woke up the next day there was a guy standing over me. I looked back into tiger like eyes when this creep said. " Morin' Ponyboy!" I about jumped four feet off the bed!  
"Glory!" i yelled, slugging the him in his jall, causing him to fly back, hitting his head on my nightstand.  
"Owww" He yelped. I sat up in bed and looked at him.

"Hey sorry about..." I looked at him more closely. I knew this guy.

"Mark?" Know i dont know why i questioned it. I knew it was him, no one in the world had eyes like him. But yet there was something different about them.  
"Yeah thats me! how ya been kid?" He sat up on and rubbed where i had hit him. "Dang Pony you sure pack one hell of a punch." I couldnt help but smile.  
"Really, i havent noticed." i lied. I really have.

"Those socs been keepin' ya busy?" He laughed, more than asked. But he didnt give me time to answer him.  
"Well not for long, alot of greaser are planning something big!" He continued to talk, stopping only once to ask me a question.  
"Doesnt Two-Bit go with a Soc?" I nodded in response.

"Man this is great!" He bellowed after a while. "I'm glad my room mate isnt some crazy dude who eats pillows"  
'But i am crazy.' i thought, 'i dont eat pillows, but crazy none the less'  
"Hows Bryon doin'?" i asked just to be saying something. I saw pain flicker threw his eyes and then they were shinning again.  
"Dont know i havent talked to him." I was shocked. Bryon and Mark were like brothers.  
"Why not?" i asked. And i was sorry after i did.  
"He narked me. called the cops and told them i was sellin' drugs." Man, wasi shocked.  
We'd only known Mark and Bryon for about three years. But they were inseperable. Mark lived with Bryon and his mom after his dad shot his mom and then himself, while Mark watched under the front porch. I felt bad for him. He reminded me of Johnny. he didnt come from a good home either. But i never thought that Bryon and Mark would stop talking.  
"Hellooo" Mark thumbed me on the head, brining me back to realily.  
"Sorry." i mummbled.  
"Are you going to answer my question?" i looked at him blankly.  
"I said, when you so kindly went off into your own world, why are you here, And Hows the gang"  
"Everyones fine, you heard about.." i stopped not wanting to say it.  
"Yeah, i saw it on the news." He lowered his eyes. "Terrible thing" i only nodded. Because the whole conversation was brining up bad memories, and feelings.  
"He looked I gotta a counsler meeting to go to." i lied, grabbing my switch blade. Marks eyes widen.

"Why you need that?" I opened the door.  
"Protection." He only nodded.  
I swong the bathroom door open, and carefully looked under each stall to make sure i was alone, after locking the main door. i walked to the very last stall and locked in myself in it. I couldnt cut my arms because of that crap Landon put on it, so i settled for my legs. Slowly, i pulled up my pant leg, and flicked my blade open, running it across my quadrocep. It felt so good. i flet all my worries and pain melt away. I was so caught up in my little sick 'pleasure' that i didnt notice how deep i had cut, and how much blood was running down my leg. I grabbed a handful of toliet paper and stuck it on the lasceration. And after 20 minutes, the bleeding stopped. I felt weak and tired,a nd i knew i should get stiches. But i didnt want landon to know that i had cut again. So i sat there recalling all the old memories of Mark and I. One time Mark, me and Soda had gone to a party, Darry was working late and said since it was summer i could go. But around 3 o'clock Soda went home, blabbering about how he needed to go to work the next day. I was having too much of a good time to go home, so i stayed. I was grounded for a month. I got drunk, had sex, (Which was the first time i met Megan) and smoked weed. Well i dont think it was weed but i felt good. Maybe it was Coke. i remember i didnt think about Johnny or Dallas or cutting. And then a thought dawned on me, Mark mostly, had some now.

_**Well here is another chapter folks, hoped you liked it! I know that this is a suckey chapter but its just that i dont have microsoft word now so you have to bare with me. if you like i shouldnt continue let me now.**_


	15. Chapter 15

**_Okay i am officially mad at myself, i really did lose the book that had the rest of the story in it, so i can do two things A: write another chapter off the top of my head, or B: just delete the story and start a new one, let me know after you read this chapie!_**

Slowly I made my way out of the bathroom, looking from side to side to make sure that no one was around. I limped back mine and Marks room as fast as I could.

"Welcome to my humble palace, Mr. Curtis, can I get you anything?" Mark grinned trying to pull off an English accent. I had to grin too, he reminded me of Two-Bit.

"Actually." I said, walking up next to him. "Do you remember that stuff you had at Bucks party the one time I went?" Mark looked like he was thinking and shook his head.  
"There have been too many partys for me to remember that." I glarred at him.

"It was the only one I went to!" He looked at me for a second, and then his eyes lit up.

"Oh, yeah, I had the good shit then, now I just got the rip off version. Gotta keep it low, in case I get caught." I nodded, and looked at him.

"Do you mind, letting up on some of it, to me?" I knew it was a long shot, but maybe, just maybe, he would, I mean we were friends and everything.

"Not at all my little Pony, just give me a minute." With that he ran to his bed and lefted up his mattress. And in the far back corner, i say a baggy. I felt a smile form on my lips. This would be fun.

After about ten minutes or so, Mark came back, you wouldnt know anything was up the way he came threw the door. He had a excited look in his eye, or more like a thristy look. I knew it all too well how he was feeling. He set down at my desk and pulled out a spoon and lighter.

"Lock the door." He commanded, and I listened.

"Okay, hand me my pillow." I looked at him for a minute and finnally decided he knew what he was doing. So I got up from my spot next to him, and got his pillow.

"Now what?" I asked, eyeing the mixture in front of him.

"You just sit there and watch little man. While I prepare this puppy." I did watch too. I watched him pour some of the mixture onto the spoon, and I watched him drop something else in the mixture while he lighted it. I watched him take the needle out of his pillow, and suck some of the stuff off the spoon. Then he turned to me.

"Grab that rubber band and tie it around the muscle part of your arm." After I was done that he grabbed my arm.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Automatically regretting it.

"Lookin' for a vain dumbass." He shot back. I had a feeling that Mark wasnt playing around anymore. He took drugs seriousely.

"Hold still." He rubbed real hard on the vain next to my hand. "This will hurt at first but just wait, you'll love it." I drew a deep breath and bit my tongue to try to supress the pain that was forming in my arm. I didnt manage too well. I felt a tear roll down my face. Mark laughed.

"The first time is always the hardest." I looked at him, wondering if he knew how right that saying was.

"Now its my turn." he rubbed his hands together and started the process all over again.

By the time he had finished my mind was racing. Everytime I tryed to stand, the walls would spin and I'd find myself back on the ground. Mark was just setting on his bed, looking off somewhere that I had no clue where it was, and I didnt really want to know. I had my own problems, for starters I needed to figure out how to sneak past the hopital watch lady in order to go get some food.

I was about to try to get up again, when there was a knock at the door.

"Shit." I mumbled, and tryed to stand.

"Ponyboy? You in there?" Some said.

'I know that voice.' I thought to myself, falling again. I decided against the standing and crawled to the door.

"Mark you could have helped." I whispered, a little too loudly.

"Pony, open the damn door." And as if I didnt know when he added a "Now" to the end of that.

"Hold your horses, Pony." I mumbled to myself, giggleing at the ironey. I finnally got the door open, and suddenly wished i hadnt.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Landon screamed more than asked. I laughed and put my hand to my mouth, trying to hold up one fingure.

"Shh...Landon, the baby's sleepin'." I looked at Mark who was just starring at Landon.  
"Come on get up." Landon said, grabbing my arm, pulling me to my feet. I felt range go threw me, I had been trying to do that for the last 15 minutes! But suddenly I felt my feet cave in, and the world slipped into a dark pool of water.

_**There you go! A horrible chapter for all you patient people, if you want I can just delete this and start a new one, cause I'm a very unorganized person, plus I dont have Microsoft, and like S.E. Hinton, reading alot didnt teach me spelling. So just let me know in the reviews**_

_**Smiles,**_

_**Greaser4Life**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**okay! Thanks to all you loyal readers out there; I have decided to update this story. Just to let you know I will be ending the story soon. Maybe three or four more chapters...whatever I decide. well thanks again for all the reviews! **_

_**Greaser4Life.**_

_**On with the story.**_

When I came too, I wish I hadnt. My head hurt, and my throat was burning. Bad. I felt someone moving around to my right, and I suddenly remembered Mark.

"Mark?" I asked, my voice cracking. It hurt even more to talk.

"Shut up." A man mummbled. Clearly not Mark. Where was I? My thoughts were all jumbled together. And man was I thirsty.

"Water..." I managed to get out.

"Oh, thirsty are we?" The man snickered. "Well you should be, I had to stick a tube down your throat before the ambulance came." Then I knew who the man was. Suddenly feeling shameful.

"I'm sorry Landon." It was all I could say to him, I know that it wasnt enough but what else could I do.

"Dont think you sayin' sorry to me is going to make any of this right again. You had a couple more months left and I was going to send you home. Then you pull this little stunt. What the hecks wrong with you? Dont you use your head?!" I blinked. Did he know how much he sounded like Darry.

"What were you thinking? Do you even know why Mark is in here. Huh? Do you?" I looked at him for the first time. He hadn't slept. That was the only thing that I thought of.

"He gave you crack, laced with 4 different kinds of pain pills. You did stuff, that was meant for people who had been using for years.'' I was speechless.

"Mark's been sent to regular prision, the trail was yesterday, he got four years."

"How long have I been out!" The shock finnally setting in. Anything could have happened and I wounldnt have known about it.

"One week. I kept you sedated of course, so the drugs could get fully out of your system, So you wouldnt be in alot of pain." He started, looking off somewhere. "When we got the O.K. to allow me to care for you, from the hospital. I really did think about letting you come out of the coma, and feel every ounce of drug expel for your body, but your brother would have killed me, you know the big one." I nodded.

"Darry."

"Yeah, you just missed them. So anyway, you stopped breathing on me for a while there, and we had to put you on life support for a day. But you pulled threw." I felt my heart pick up speed.

"Why did all this happen?" I was kind of scared to as the question. Landon kind of laughed.

"Turns out your allergic to Triynoltac. The main stimulent in pain killers, you got a pretty deadly dose." I looked down at my hands. I wish I could tell you what I was feeling then, but there truely are no words to describe it. It wasnt shame, guilt. It was just pain, maybe thats one one. Pain, uncontrolled, throbbing pain, and not from my health either. This was deeper.

"Look, your not going to be going to be able to go back doing everything full swing. Just take your time and get better." I nodded once more and watched Landon leave.

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I was sitting up in bed debating on weather or not I had enough strength to go to the bathroom by myself or not when the door burst open.

"Holy..." I yelled, jumping about ten feet in the air, and kicking myself for doing it. I felt my body throb.

"Well, well, well." I heard a awful formilar voice chant. "Look at our little Pony." I felt the smile build on my face as Two-Bit waltzed in, with Sodapop and Darry right on his heals.

"Aw man! How ya been guys?" I asked wishing I could stand up. Two-Bit bounced at the end of the bed.

"Same old same old, you know the wife is good and so are the kids, little Jimmy will be 10 tomorrow!" I threw my pillow at his head.

"Shut up Two-Bit! You know good and well you wouldnt ever name your kid Jimmy." He caught the pillow and laid down across my bed.

"Hey Ponyboy." Soda said, walking over next to the sink by my bed, and leaning on it. Darry sat down in the chair. I looked down at the floor.

"Hi Sodapop." I knew that I had worried him, and I felt awful. I glanced at Darry and I noticed that his jaw was tight. I guess he was trying to resist the urg to come over and smack me upside the head.

"I'm really sorry you guys." I mummbled, laying my head in my hands. I was getting a headache, if you want to know the truth.

"Sorry doesnt cut it." Darry spat. I nodded.  
"I know, but there isnt much I can do about it now Dar." I wish I had a weed on me.

"Why did you do it pone?" Soda asked, getting down on his knees in front of me. I couldnt look him in the eye. I didnt even have an answer. I couldnt really tell him the truth about wanting to not be able to feel. Exspecally in front of Darry. He would have me locked up forever.

"Come on you can tell me..." His voice was pleading. I still looked away, starring at the wall now. It wasnt much to look at. Nothing was in this room. The walls were a pale blue, with one window across the room, next to the bathroom. There was a sink, next to my bed. All of it was old.

"Did you even think about megan and the baby, if something had happened to you, you would have left them all alone, forever this time, and not just a couple years." Darry yelled. I looked at him now. It had been along time anyone had mentioned the two of them.  
"I didnt think about them." I whispered. "I didnt think at all." Darry laughed.

"You dont ever think! Thats what got you into all that crap with Bob Sheldon!" I noted how he didnt say Johnny or Dallas.

"Well thats who I am Darry!" I shouted back. I couldnt help being me more then he could help being him.

"So if you dont like it then leave me alone!" I didnt want him to, but it just came out.

"Do you want me to go? Not come back? Well fine then I will." He stormed out, and Two-Bit followed. Soda just stayed where he was after resuming his position by the sink.

"He worrys about you all the damn time Ponyboy." Soda said, "You may not notice but me and him are all you have. So if I were you I would stop pushing us away." I glarred at him. I felt anger swelling up in me.

"Just leave too Sodapop Curtis. I dont need anyone!" I knew I was being childish but I didnt care. Soda walked to the door, but stopped before he walked out and looked at me. and for the first time, I looked him in the eye. There was nothing but sorrow.

"Dont call me until you've found the old Ponyboy Curtis. The one who mom and dad raised." was the last thing he said. I watched him leave with my mouth wide open and my heart breaking. I had pushed them all away. I knew that now.

_**Okay, I dont really like this one myself so i dont expect to get any real good reviews about this one. I'm sorry for taking so long. but just let me know what you think.**_

_**Greaser4Life.**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Wow! You guys seem to like that last chapter! Thanks, at first I thought it sunk, but then I re-read it, on the preview and I like it too! So yeah! But NE ways...I'm trying to remember how I had the chapters go in my notebook, but I cant really remember it, so I'm going to play it off. The ending may suck...but oh well. I also know some of you have been emailing me about a sequel to Different Pony...And even though I got alot of reviews...I first want to finish my other story on here. Thats called Cant Control Love..Its a Dally fic, so if u like Dal..check it out! (again the price of marketing!) hehe, but If u would like another story, I need some ideas..cause I have none for a sequal. Maybe I can re-do the story in Magans POV...hum...I wonder...But N.E. Way tell me what you think!**_

_**Well enjoy the next chapter!**_

_**Punches&Kicks**_

_**Greaser4Life.**_

_**OH AND P.S...S.E. HINTON HAS A NEW BOOK OUT! ITS CALL SOME SHORT STORIES BY TOM, OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT, BUT GO TO BARNES AND AND CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

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"Who needs them anyway!" I yelled as Landon wheeled me out of the hospital. We were going back to the nut house. As I like to call it. Landon, needless to say dosent like me to say it like that.

"You need them Ponyboy, so stop acting like a little kid." I could have smacked him. Who did he think HE was!

"Who needs you!" I yelled back at him, trying to get a holed of the wheels and roll myself. Landon smacked my hand away.

"My wife, who by the way is expecting." I could hear the smile in his voice, and that knocked all the fight out of me. I turned, dispite the pain. It had been 2 weeks and my body was still aching. It felt as though I had been in a car accident rather then a drug OD.

"Really?" My voice went up a few tones. I had to smile too. He nodded.

"Really. Shes only 3 months but hey, I'm excited." As I said this I wanted to hug him, but due to the circumstances, I knew that was out of the picture.

"Wow, So when I get out of here, and you babys born and so is mine, they can play together." I felt excited, saying my that I too was having a baby. Something I never really thought about. It was always Magan, and the baby. No one ever really involved me.

"Right, in about 2 years, so that means we'll have to keep in touch, if your out by then." We were at the TPH van. I hated it. Like I wanted everyone in the world to know that I was going to Tulsa Psychiatric Hospital, and the big lettering on the side didnt help matters much.

"What do you mean if I'm out by then!" I almost yelled. He looked at me and then, started loading my stuff into the back.

"Dont ignore me Landon Carter!" I was getting so angry. I seemed to be doing that alot lately, to tell you the truth I hadnt had the urge to cut since I left the hospital.

"Oh come on Ponyboy you dont think you could possible be getting out anytime soon after this little preformance do you?" He slammed the door shut and opened the passengers door. Holding out a hand to help me up. I just sat there.

"Why didnt you tell me sooner." I mummbled. He did have plenty of opportunity, I mean, I had been in the hospital for over a month.

"I wanted you to get better." He said, grabbing my hand, and almost pulling me up. Which really wouldnt be hard for him, I had lost about 20 pounds in the hospital, so I weighed about 103.

When I got in the van, Landon turned the music on really loud. I'm not complaining, but it just reminded me of my house, and my brothers. And I didnt want to think about them. So I turned it off.

"Dont tell me you stopped liking music." He muttered, and I glarred at him.

"So..if you dont want to listen to music, I take it you want to talk. So talk." I simply starred out the window, watching the pasters whiz by. Landon was quite for about five minutes.

"You brothers were really worried about you when I called them, Darry, I think, was almost crying." He said, and then he added. "He thought you had killed yourself." I continued to stare out the window.

'Dont look at him' I told myself. If I did, I would lose all control.

"Megan, called me, about 2 minutes after I hung up with him." He started talking, he just went on and on...

"She was scared, she said that, your guys baby to know its father. She told me to keep her well informed. She couldnt come visit you because shes afraid to she you all hooked up with wires and everything." I felt anger start to swell up inside of me. I wanted to stop his talking, he wouldnt though. Talk. Talk. Talk. I was sick of this. Life, everything.

_**"Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this letter.."** _My mind said. I froze. Suddenly I felt sick, as Johnnys letter came to mind.

_**"The doctor came in awhile ago, but I already know. I just keep getting tried and tried. But I dont mind dying now, its worth it. Its worth saving those little kids. There lives are worth more then mine, they have more to live for. Tell Dally its worth it. I've been thinking, about that poem, that guy who wrote, he meant your gold when you a kid. When your a kid everythings new; Dawn. you have more to live for, but when you stop being a kid its day. Like the way you dig sunsets Pony thats gold, keep it that way its a good way to be. I want you to ask Dally to look at one, I dont think hes ever really seen a sunset. Theres still lots of good in the world, tell Dallas I dont think he knows, Your Buddy Johnny."**_

"Johnny." I whispered, as we pulled up to TPH. I looked at Landon, and then down at my feet.

"I want to be gold again Landon." And I begain to cry. I could that Landon didnt know weather to knock me out again, or what, but he just grabbed me into a hug.

"Please, help me be gold for Johnny." I sobbed.

"I will buddy." Landon patted my back. "I promise, I will."

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

_**So what do you think? I wrote that letter by heart! ha ah! I use to know the whole thing! i'm getting rusty. but this is just a between chapter for all you fans, I thought you would enjoy their car ride home. I'll try to be more detailed and to put extras in, but just R&R!**_

_**Punches and kicks**_

_**Greaser4Life**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Aw well thanks for the great reviews! I'm actually taking turns between DP and YCCL, so don't get mad at me for not doing my job! Jeezes! lol, j/k, but I really hope all of you enjoy this! I'm not really sure where this one will go! I'm top of the head writing again! please forgive me if it STINKS!**_

_**Greaser4Life.**_

_**Dedication: To all my fans, who have stuck with me from the begaining, in 2005! I will finish for you all! I promise!**_

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

"71, 72, 73, 74..." My new room mate, Billy, counted. He had OCD and did this sort of thing all the time. He would walk into the room, and walk out, walk in, and walk out. It drove me crazy! But I didnt say anything, because I knew he couldnt help it.

"Do you think you could wash your bedding tomorrow?" He asked me, for the tenth time.

"I just washed it yesturday Billy. I'm not washing it again." He stood up, leaving his pile of threads, and walked over to me.

"I could wash it for you, all I need is a pair of gloves." His eyes were pleading.

"Fine, I'll wash my bedding tomorrow." I said dryly, watching him walk back to his set and then i turned back to my book. Landon had me reading Gone with the Wind again. He said that if I could make it threw getting past the part were I had stopped with Johnny, then, I would get to go home. But I never could.

"Could you take your shoes off? Its unhealthy for a young man to wear his shoes on his bed." I glarred at him.

'Boy oh boy..' I thought, 'Soda would like you.' Soda. I hadnt talked to him since that day in the hospital, Darry niether. But it's about as much as their fault as it is mine, they can call, and write a heck of alot easier then I can. I felt someone starring at me. You know that feeling you get out of know where, were you can just sense it? I sighed, knowing who it was.

"I have to read Billy, I cant do anything now." He was sitting with his back to his threads, and looking at me...thats all, just starring.

"Why do you space out like that?" He asked, still starring. I just shrugged.

"Well? You have to have an answer, everyone always has an answer." Man, was he buggin' me.

"Well, I'm not everyone, so leave me alone! I have to read this before two." He smiled and started counting again.

"1, 2, 3..."

**xxxxxxx**

"So, did you get passed it?" Landon asked as soon as he saw me. I shook my head.

"I dont get it, no matter how hard I try, I just freeze."

"Its because your afraid to move on, if you do something that you and him shared, to you its like saying, its okay your gone, i'm over it." Landon said, looking at me. Ever since my "accident" hes been keeping a close eye on me. Having nurses come in, in the middle of the night to look and make sure I'm still alive.

"But, let me tell you something, Ponyboy, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get over and forget your best friend, its hard to lose someone you love, but even harder when you went threw the same thing he did. You ran away, just like him. You got beat up, just like him, and you ran into the church just like him, but yet your not dead, just like him, your still here, and your beating yourself up because you think you deserve it." I just looked at my old shoe, I needed new ones bad.

"You did a good deed, saving little kids." He stopped and tried another approach. "When Jamie died, I didnt go throw what she went threw, I just had to watch her go. Nothing I could do could help her. She was already strong, she had her faith and that was all she needed. But you see, Johnny didnt have faith or strength in himself like Jamie. You had to constantly build him up, tell him he's worth more then he thought he was." I looked up at him. He was so ture. He knew everything.

"Johnny was always talking about killing himself." I whispered. "He wanted to get out of this life he had, but I just cant stop thinking about him saying that his life wasnt long enough, that 16 wasnt long enough for him." My throat began to get tight.

"But he left you a letter telling you that it was alright, he told you that your special and you can make it. He taught you something too didnt he Ponyboy? You just dont believe in yourself now. You've switched places, and you need a Ponyboy to rescue you." Tears began to stream down my face. Johnny was right, and I knew it. Johnny wasn't scared of dying, I was scared of not having him around. I needed Johnny more then he needed me. I needed his strenght to keep me up. I needed to help him.

"But he's gone now Pone." Landons voice answered my thoughts. "So now you need to help yourself."

"Your right Landon." I stood up and grabbed the book of the desk. "Can we take a little field trip?" He smiled senseing where I was going with this.

"I could get into alot of trouble for this." He said, grabbing the keys.

**xxxxxx**

It wasnt much to look at, the grass had grown all over it, so I had to pull away weeds so I could read the tombstone:

J. Cade

1952-1963

(A/N: Please dont flame the dates!)

Landon waited for me in the van. I couldn't believe I was here, I could even go to the funeral.

"Hey buddy." I whispered setting down next to the stone. "Long time now see." I kind of laughed.

"Look, I know I've been alittle crazy, and I'm sorry." I looked around, sighing. "Its just different with you gone. I dont know if I'll ever be the same. I wanted to finish reading to you, because we started it together Johnnycake, and I wanted to finish it together. We would of had it done if we hadn't of started talking about Dallas and Sodapop. We had some lonely nights in that church huh?" My throat had a hug rock in it, and no matter how hard I tried, it would come lose until I was crying.

"I sure do miss you. All I want is just one more time to sit and smoke a weed with you. To just look up at the stars or watch a sunset, maybe talk alittle more about that poem." I said, wiping at my eyes. I got quite then, and placed my hand on the cold hard rock.

"I wish I hadn't of ran away." My thought came out in sob. "It was all my fault, if I hadnt of ran away that night, then I wouldnt of woken you up to go the park, and you would of killed Bob,and...and..." I couldnt finish, someone had me wrapped in a stronge hug, not letting go, at first I thought it was Landon, until I caught sight of the clean cut hair and the black tee shirt.

"Its not your fault, Ponyboy Curtis." Darry said. I cried harded and squeezed him.

"I'm so sorry." I said, to both him and Johnny. Darry understood.  
"I know, I know" was all he said, over and over.

**xxxxxxxxx**

_**alrightly folks, i kind of like this one, very deep. I'm going to have MAYBE three more chapters, and thats it! but R&R tell what you think**_


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